Redneck Valentine

A REDNECK'S ODE TO MY
ONE TRUE LOVE

Kudzu is green,
My Dog's name is Blue,
And I'm so danged lucky
To have a sweet thing like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk,
A-flappin' in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas!

You move like the bass
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales,
But I love you anyway.

Yo're as graceful as okry
Jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yore as fragrant as Mountain Dew
Right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth
For which I am proud.
I hold my head high
When we's in a crowd.

On special occasions,
When you shave your armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven.
I'm plumb out of my wits.

And speakin' of wits,
You got plenty fer shore.
'Cuz you are my woman.
And I can't ask for more.

Like a good roll of Duct tape
Yo're there for yore man
To patch up life's troubles
And stick 'em in the can.

Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler
Racin' through the mud.
Yet fragile as that singer
Named Naomi Judd.

Yo're as cute as a Junebug
A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like no far ant
On which I oft tread.

Yore complexion's perfection
Like the best vinyl sidin',
Despite all the years
Yore age it keeps hidin'.

And when you get old
Like a '57 Chevy,
I won't put you on blocks
And let grass grow up heavy.

Me'n you's like a Moon Pie
With a cold RC drank.
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine's Day.
They git it at Wal-Mart.
It's romantic that way.

Some men, they git roses
For a special day
From a cooler at Food World,
"That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
"A diamond's forever,"
They explain, suave and couth.

But for this feller, honey,
These will not do.
For you are too special,
You ole' sweet thang, you.

I got you a gift
Without taste nor odor.
Better than diamonds,
IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!