are those who hunger and thirst, for they
are sticking to their diet.
Life is an
endless struggle full of frustrations and
challenges, but eventually you find a hair
stylist you like.
you know why women over sixty don't have babies.
They would put them down somewhere and forget
where they left them.
of life's mysteries is how a two pound box
of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
got my head together and my body fell apart.
may be a great healer but it's also a lousy
cells come and go but fat cells live forever.
not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
when I was getting used to yesterday, along
don't stop laughing because you grow old;
you grow old because you stop laughing.
You just hang something in your closet for
a while and it shrinks two sizes.
is important only if you're cheese and wine.
only time a woman wishes that she were a year
older is when she is expecting a baby.
Old folks are worth a fortune--with silver
in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones
in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and
gas in their stomachs.
become a lot more social with the passing
of years. Some might even call me a frivolous
old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen a day!
as I wake, Will Power helps me get out of
bed. Then I go see John.
Charley Horse comes along, and when he is
here, he takes a lot of my time and attention.
he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays
the rest of the day.
doesn't like to stay in one place very long,
so he takes me from joint to joint.)
such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad
to go to bed - with Ben Gay. What a life!
The Preacher came to call the other day. He
said at my age I should be thinking about
the hereafter. I told him I do all the time.
No matter where I am - in the parlor, upstairs
in the bedroom, or down in the basement -
I ask myself, "Now what am I here after?"
know you're getting old when
and your teeth don't sleep together.
try to straighten out the wrinkles in your
socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle,
pop and you're not eating cereal.
you wake up looking like your driver's license
takes two tries to get up from the couch.
(Love this one!)
your idea of a night out is sitting on the
happy hour is a nap.
you're on vacation and your ENERGY runs out
before your money does.
all you want for your birthday is to not be
reminded of your age.
you step off a curb and look down one more
time to make sure the street is still there.
idea of weight lifting is standing up.
takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
address book has mostly names that start with
sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
pharmacist has become your new best friend.
"lucky" means you found your car
in the parking lot.
twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection
from the sun on your bifocals.
takes twice as long - to look half as good.
hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
look for your glasses for half an hour and
they were on your head the whole time.
have more patience, but it is actually that
you just don't care anymore.
wonder how you could be over the hill when
you don't even remember being on top of it.
back goes out but you stay home.
you're too open minded, your brains will fall
is a very high price to pay for maturity
you criticize someone, walk a mile in his
shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be
a mile away - and barefoot.
to church doesn't make you a Christian any
more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
mouth gathers no feet.
must choose between two evils, pick the one
you've never tried before.
of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
one shred of evidence supports the notion
that life is serious.
easier to get forgiveness than permission.
found at my age going bra-less pulls all the
wrinkles out of my face.
every action, there is an equal and opposite
look like your passport picture, you probably
need the trip.
yield to temptation, because it may not pass
your way again.
travel through the mail at twice the speed
is what hurts when all your other parts feel
well, stay fit, die anyway.
are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal
has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
reserved "Simply Angel" 2003-2006