Health And Ageing Facts

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diet.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.

Perhaps you know why women over sixty don't have babies.
They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.

I finally got my head together and my body fell apart.

Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.

Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.

Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes.

Age is important only if you're cheese and wine.

The only time a woman wishes that she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.

Old folks are worth a fortune--with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet, and gas in their stomachs.

I have become a lot more social with the passing of years. Some might even call me a frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen a day!

As soon as I wake, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John.

Then Charley Horse comes along, and when he is here, he takes a lot of my time and attention.

When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day.

(He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.)

After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed - with Ben Gay. What a life!

P.S. The Preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him I do all the time. No matter where I am - in the parlor, upstairs in the bedroom, or down in the basement - I ask myself, "Now what am I here after?"

You know you're getting old when

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.

At the breakfast table, you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.

When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch. (Love this one!)

When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

When happy hour is a nap.

When you're on vacation and your ENERGY runs out before your money does.

When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

The pharmacist has become your new best friend.

Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.

The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.

It takes twice as long - to look half as good.

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.

You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.

You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.

You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.

Your back goes out but you stay home.

If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.