Famous Women's "Quotes"

"NEVER EAT MORE THAN YOU CAN LIFT" - MISS PIGGY
"WHAT YOU EAT STANDING UP DOES NOT COUNT" - BETH BARNES
"THE AVERAGE PERSON CONSUMES 1500 LBS OF FOOD A YEAR," "NOTHING AVERAGE ABOUT ME" - ANGEL
"WHEN WOMEN ARE DEPRESSED THEY EITHER EAT OR GO SHOPPING. MEN INVADE ANOTHER COUNTRY." - MARIE CORELLI
"WHEN CHOOSING BETWEEN TWO EVILS, I ALWAYS LIKE TO TRY ONE I'VE NEVER TRIED BEFORE." - MAE WEST

"EVERY ONE'S ENTITLED TO MY OPINION" - MADONNA
"DON'T GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A KNOT. NOTHING IS SOLVED AND IT ONLY MAKES YOU WALK FUNNY." - KATHRYN CARPENTER
"I'VE BEEN ON A CALENDAR, BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN ON TIME." - MARILYN MONROE
"THE TROUBLE WITH BEING IN THE RAT RACE IS THAT EVEN IF YOU WIN...YOU'RE STILL A RAT." - LILY TOMLIN
"HOUSE WORK CAN'T KILL YOU, BUT WHY TAKE A CHANCE" - PHYLISS DILLER
"I'M NOT GOING TO VACUMN 'TIL SEARS MAKES ONE YOU CAN RIDE ON." - ROSEANNE BARR
"I AM A MARVELOUS HOUSEKEEPER. EVERY TIME I LEAVE A MAN I KEEP HIS HOUSE" - ZSA ZSA GABOR

"MY HUSBAND AND I ARE EITHER GOING TO BUY A DOG OR HAVE A KID. WE CAN"T DECIDE WHETHER TO RUIN OUR CARPET OR RUIN OUR LIVES." - RITA RUDNER
"I WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN, BUT MY FRIENDS SCARE ME. ONE OF MY FRIENDS TOLD ME SHE WAS IN LABOR FOR 36 HOURS. I DON"T EVEN WANT TO TO DO ANYTHING THAT FEELS GOOD FOR 36 HOURS." - RITA RUDNER
"WHEN FACED WITH A DECISION ALWAYS ASK " WHAT WOULD BE THE MOST FUN?" - PEGGY WALKER
"THE PROBLEM WITH WOMEN IS THAT THEY GET ALL WORRIED AND CRAZY ABOUT NOTHING AND THEN THEY MARRY HIM." - CHER
" I THINK...THEREFORE I'M SINGLE." - LIZ WINSTON
"REMEMBER, GINGER ROGERS DID EVERYTHING FRED ASTAIRE DID, BUT SHE DID IT BACKWARDS AND IN HIGH HEELS." - FAITH WHITTLESEY

"If YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY ABOUT ANYONE.....COME SIT BY ME." - ALICE ROOSEVELT LONGWORTH
"I NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH OF WHAT I SAY IS TRUE." - BETTE MIDLER
"THERE IS NOT ONE FEMALE COMEDIAN WHO WAS BEAUTIFUL AS A GIRL." - JOAN RIVERS

"I BASE MOST OF MY FASHION SENSE ON WHAT DOESN'T ITCH." - GILDA RADNER
"NORMAL IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER." - WHOOPI GOLDBERG
"IF MEN CAN RUN THE WORLD, WHY CAN'T THEY STOP WEARING NECKTIES? "HOW INTELLIGENT IS IT TO START THE DAY BY TYING A NOOSE AROUND YOUR NECK?" - LINDA ELLERBEE
"IF YOU'RE ALL WRAPPED UP IN YOURSELF, YOU'RE OVER DRESSED." -
KATE HALVERSON

"I NEVER MARRIED BECAUSE THERE WAS NO NEED. I HAVE THREE PETS AT HOME WHICH ANSWER THE SAME PURPOSE AS A HUSBAND. I HAVE A DOG WHICH GROWLS EVERY MORNING, A PARROT WHICH SWEARS ALL AFTERNOON AND A CAT THAT COMES HOME LATE AT NIGHT." - MARIE CORELLI
"IN PASSING, ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT THE FIRST TIME ADAM HAD A CHANCE HE LAID THE BLAME ON A WOMAN." - NANCY ASTOR
"A WOMAN WITHOUT A MAN IS LIKE A FISH WITHOUT A BICYCLE." - GLORIA STEINEM
"WHATEVER WOMEN DO, THEY MUST DO TWICE AS WELL AS MEN TO BE "HALF AS GOOD. LUCKILY, THIS IS NOT DIFFICULT." - CHARLOTTE WHITTON
"THE BEST WAY TO GET MOST HUSBANDS TO DO SOMETHING IS TO SUGGEST THAT PERHAPS THEY'RE TOO OLD TO DO IT." - ANN BANCROFT
"MEN ARE LIKE A FINE WINE. THEY ALL START OUT LIKE GRAPES, AND IT'S OUR JOB TO STOMP ON THEM AND KEEP THEM IN THE DARK UNTIL THEY MATURE INTO SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO HAVE DINNER WITH." - AUTHOR UNNAMED
" I THINK MEN WHO HAVE PIERCED EARS ARE BETTER PREPARED FOR MARRIAGE. THEY'VE EXPERIENCED PAIN AND BOUGHT JEWELRY." - RITA RUDNER
"NEVER GO TO BED MAD. STAY UP AND FIGHT." - PHYLLIS DILLER
"MY MOTHER BURIED THREE HUSBANDS, AND TWO OF THEM WERE JUST NAPPING." - RITA RUDNER
"PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS ASKING COUPLES WHOSE MARRIAGES HAVE ENDURED AT LEAST A QUARTER OF A CENTURY FOR THEIR SECRET FOR SUCCESS. ACTUALLY, IT IS NO SECRET AT ALL. I AM A FORGIVING WOMAN. LONG AGO, I FORGAVE MY HUSBAND FOR NOT BEING PAUL NEWMAN." - ERMA BOMBECK

"I'M NOT OFFENDED BY ALL THE DUMB BLONDE JOKES BECAUSE I KNOW I'M NOT DUMB..AND I ALSO KNOW THAT I'M NOT BLONDE." - DOLLY PARTON
I'M JUST A PERSON TRAPPED INSIDE A WOMAN'S BODY." - ELAINE BOOSIER
"I'M AS PURE AS THE DRIVEN SLUSH." - TALLULAH BANKHEAD
"LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION, I CAN FIND THE WAY MYSELF." - RITA MAE BROWN
"NOT ONLY IS LIFE A BITCH, BUT IT IS ALWAYS HAVING PUPPIES." - ADRIENNE GUSOFF

The Three Wise Women
Three wise women would have...
Asked directions
Arrived on time
Helped deliver the baby
Cleaned the stable
Made a casserole
Brought practical gifts
And there would be peace on Earth
Unknown

"IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DO IN THE BEDROOM AS LONG AS YOU DON'T DO IT IN THE STREET AND FRIGHTEN THE HORSES." - MRS. PATRICK CAMPBELL
"THOSE WHO ARE EASILY SHOCKED SHOULD BE SHOCKED MORE OFTEN." - MAE WEST
"IF YOU OBEY ALL THE RULES, YOU MISS ALL THE FUN." - KATHERINE HEPBURN
"ALL MY LIFE, I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE SOMEBODY. NOW I SEE THAT I SHOULD HAVE BEEN MORE SPECIFIC." - LILY TOMLIN
"WHEN WE TALK TO GOD WE ARE PRAYING, WHEN GOD TALKS TO US WE ARE SCHIZOPHRENIC." - LILY TOMLIN
"I LOVE TO SEE A YOUNG GIRL GO OUT AND GRAB THE WORLD BY THE LAPELS. LIFE'S A BITCH. YOU'VE GOT TO GO OUT AND KICK ASS." - MAYA ANGELOU
"IF YOU CAN'T BE GOOD EXAMPLE, THEN YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO BE A HORRIBLE WARNING." - CATHERINE AIRD

A Woman's Perfect Breakfast

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton
Unknown

Bitchology

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs,
they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love,
they call me a bitch.

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do
things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in
my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It
means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid.

It means I have the courage and strength to
allow myself to be who I truly am and won't
become anyone else's idea of what
they think I "should" be.

I am outspoken, opinionated and determined.
I want what I want and there is
nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame,
try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold
within me. You won't succeed. And if
that makes me a bitch, so be it.

I embrace the title and am proud to bear it !!!!

B = Babe I = In T = Total C = Control Of H = Herself
B = Beautiful I = Intelligent T = Talented C= Charming H = Hell Of A Woman
B = Beautiful I = Individual T = That C = Can H = Handle anything

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